"Now Use the Word 'Idiot' in a Sentence..."

I got the call at about 9 am. She was a nurse for the Federal Long-Term Care Insurance program,. She was wondering if I had 20 minutes to complete a survey over the phone. “Uh, actually, no,” I said. “I’m at Disneyland.”

And so I was. I was expected in a few minutes by the other 11 family and friends, I explained. In front of the castle. She sounded a little annoyed that she had to call back when I returned home, but we set up the appointment for three days later.

This phone call came as a result of the application for LTC insurance that I had sent in 3 weeks prior. I had carefully written down (mostly on an attached sheet) an explanation of all my diagnoses, medications, my surgeries, the names of doctors involved, etc. And the last page was a survey of which choices I wanted included in my program. I spent a lot of time figuring it all out, and I chose what I thought was the best possible plan:

The Comprehensive 150 Pre-Packaged Plan, which includes:
Daily Benefit Amount - $150
Benefit Period – 5 years
Waiting Period – 90 days

I included an Automatic Compound Inflation Option.

And I authorized them to take the premiums out of my annuity/pension.

Those are a lot of decisions for a program that hadn’t even accepted me. That was to come after the nurse’s call.

When the nurse called 3 days later, she went over my entire medical history with me, including the names of my current medications. As she was doing that, she gave me a test, if you can believe that, although she didn’t frame it that way. She told me that she was going to give me a list of words, have me repeat the word, and then use it in a sentence. I wrote all 10 words down on a sheet of paper, all nouns.

After our conversation about doctors and medications, she asked me to repeat the words to her. I looked at my list and started repeating the words. After two words, I finally realized, Oh! This is a memory test! She doesn’t want me to repeat something I’ve written down, but to recall each word from memory!

I was shocked. She had never said, “This is a memory test.” I looked quickly at the list, and then away, and figured, I’m never going to pass this. I’d better give her a passing grade but not ace this test. So I gave her seven of the words, right off my written list. And not in order.

I feel guilty about that. My gosh, you should be able to trust a government employee, even one who’s retired. And even one who failed this I.Q. test.

I thought this might be the end of the story, but I got a letter the other day saying that they will not approve my application for federal long-term care insurance. I’m still kind of in shock and slightly depressed about it. I guess I won’t be spending that money. The premiums would have been $163.71/month. I’m surprised they don’t want my money.

I guess the only thing I can do is live a long life, die suddenly at age 92 without any complications, and not need the long-term care insurance program. That’ll show ‘em. Oh, and go back to Disneyland every chance I get.