The DMV and I Have a Chat

I went to my appointment at the Oakland Coliseum DMV yesterday, hoping to renew my driver's license without a written test.

I got there early and stood in line. This DMV isn't the hoity-toity DMV you would find near Rockridge. This is where everybody goes. They may not want to go, and most don't have appointments, but we all gather nonetheless. We have to have that license.

The receptionist gave me a number, and I had a seat. About 10 minutes later, my number was called, and I went over to the window. The woman looked at my records on the computer, and asked me, "Are you in law enforcement?" She then gave me a long, hard look, as her eyebrows met in the middle of her face.

I told her that I used to be, but now I'm retired. I invoked that privilege about 15 years ago. DMV records are available to anybody, unbelievably, even drug smugglers and criminals. I didn't think it wise for a Customs inspector to have DMV records -- including my address -- easily available.

She then looked up and asked me, "Do you know that postal facility across the street?" She pointed. Yes, I replied. "I worked there." Her face changed, as she brightened toward the subject. She told me all about the way the lot used to look, unkempt with weeds, and how they used to make steel parts there. "And then they turned it into that beautiful facility!" She didn't mention the imposing steel fence that now surrounds it.

After we talked some more about what work was done across the street, she smiled and handed me my form and sent me to the camera spot. "You know where that is?" she said helpfully. Oh, yeah. I had seen it earlier. I hadn't thought I would have to have my picture taken.

So, I went over there and smiled at the guy while he shot the digital picture. I put my thumb on the little cup, and it didn't get dirty. Amazing! This is all nicely mechanized and very fast. He said in three weeks I will get my new license.

I wonder if the photo on the new license will be as bad as it is now? Not possible. I had dark hair with wild streaks of gray, sort of a Texas Big Hair look. And the expression on my face is akin to the deer in the headlights look. So it's bound to be better.

And in the back of my mind is the thought that I really don't know what would happen if I had to take the written test, or -- shudder! -- the driving test. OMG. Remember in the old days when you had to parallel-park the car? I never had to do that (that's how old those old days are). But, still. Scary.

Yay for modern times, modern conveniences like getting a computer appointment and having my thumbprint shot digitally. It's just amazing that such an inconvenience as going to the DMV would not be so damned inconvenient any more. And that sometimes you can make the clerk smile. That's the real payoff.